


Just Tell Me

by Oakwyrm



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Aftermath of Outing, Alternate Universe - No Eyepocalypse, Asexuality, Blind Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Canon Asexual Character, Conversations, Gen, Genderqueer Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist With a Cane, Sex-Repulsed Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, jonmartin and wtgfs are present but so minor I don't feel right tagging them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:15:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26453224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oakwyrm/pseuds/Oakwyrm
Summary: “Thank you,” he said. “It’s- Don’t take this the wrong way, Georgie, but coming from her it wasn’t really a surprise. Not at the time. It wasn’t a- um… It didn’t feel like a betrayal.”He felt Georgie’s answering wince.“Yeah,” she said, her voice wavering slightly. “Yeah, that’s fair.”---As Jon's life slows down and approaches some form of normal again, he and Georgie have a much-needed conversation.
Relationships: Georgie Barker & Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 20
Kudos: 309





	Just Tell Me

**Author's Note:**

> Pairing up my increasing need to project on Jon vis-a-vis "he wears a black ring to communicate his asexuality that doubles as a stim toy" with a much-needed conversation between Jon and Georgie regarding how and why she outed him to Melanie.
> 
> More detailed CW in the end notes.

It felt ridiculous to be upset about it.

It _was_ ridiculous to be upset about it.

His fingers twitched as he spun the little chain inlaid in his solid black ring so fast it created a constant metallic ringing which seemed to die a muffled, sad death within the over-full stacks of the archives. He was upset about it anyway.

Which made no sense because he wore that self-same ring for the exact purpose of communicating his identity to people without needing to use words. Except-

Except, Melanie clearly hadn’t understood.

She hadn’t said “You know that ring Jon wears? The black one on his right middle finger? Means he’s asexual, so probably not.”

No, she’d said, “Although… according to Georgie, Jon _doesn’t_.”

And that just-

That stung.

Ridiculous, really, for something so overall inconsequential to hurt at this point. After everything that’d happened, everything he had been through, for that to still _hurt_. But it did.

Which, he reminded himself again, was ridiculous.

Because he wore the ring. He wore it with a particular purpose in mind so why should it matter that Melanie got her little insight about him from Georgie instead of-

But that was precisely why it mattered.

Because that meant Melanie didn’t know the language he was speaking. She didn’t clue in on it the first time they met when he shook her hand and showed her into his office. She didn’t get the information from him.

She hadn’t known, and Georgie had told her, and that hurt.

He wasn’t even going to examine Basira’s response because that just- No. No, he wouldn’t think about it. Better not to. It didn’t matter, anyway. What did it matter if Basira thought his identity ‘explained some stuff’? Whatever the hell that was supposed to mean.

It didn’t, he told himself firmly. Basira’s reaction did not matter, just as Melanie’s words did not matter and Georgie’s outing him to someone who didn’t even like him-

He swore quietly under his breath.

It didn’t matter.

It still hurt.

Because Georgie-

She wasn’t like that!

For goodness sakes, she was just as queer as he was! She knew better! She’d almost lost her job over some asshat who couldn’t mind his own business, once. She knew the damage an outing could do, both socially and emotionally. She wasn’t in the habit of doing that to anyone.

So what did he do to deserve it?

“Nothing,” he said aloud to himself, his voice sharp. Because no one deserved that, ever. It was something Georgie would have told him herself, back when they were dating.

There had to be an explanation. Some conversation that had just naturally led them down that track. Why on earth Melanie would ever subject herself to talking about him _,_ he couldn’t fathom, but there had to be a logical explanation. Because Georgie would not just have brought it up out of nowhere.

He trusted he knew her well enough to say that with certainty.

It wasn’t an explanation but-

Well, it helped. Not much, but it helped. He still burned with a need to know why and how his identity had become a topic of conversation. Whether Georgie had ever even said the word asexual or if she’d just said he _didn’t_.

He didn’t know which would be worse.

For one mad, fleeting moment, he considered calling her. Demanding an explanation but-

No.

He couldn’t. He’d never been good at talking about his emotions. So his phone remained in his pocket, and he continued staring at the innocent black ring on his finger.

* * *

Later, much later, the thought would return to him, dug up from some secure vault in his mind where he locked all the things he didn’t want to think about. It was long after Melanie had blinded herself. Months after he followed her example in a small cottage in the Scottish Highlands. After it had become clear that his choices were to die of starvation or become the monster Elias wanted him to be. After he’d decided the carve himself a third path by way of a sudden burst of willpower and a small kitchen knife and hoped that if it did not kill him outright that he was still human enough for it to _work_.

It felt like a lifetime since they had last spoken, that first time he met Georgie again after everything. Newly blind and human in ways he was not yet used to. It was frightening to look back and realise how quickly he had taken to needing food and sleep so much less than any human should.

But he was human again, and Georgie spoke to him without hostility in her voice for the first time since-

For the first time since he found out she’d outed him.

Again he was hit by the fact that it was such a ridiculous thing to worry about. After all this time, everything he’d been through. After Sasha and Tim and Daisy and god that last one still hurt so badly, fresh as it was. After nearly losing Martin to the Lonely, after blinding himself just in the nick of time before he could be used to _end the world_.

After losing nearly all of his friends the idea of confronting her about it, of risking this new, hesitant friendship built on such shaky foundations-

It made him want to curl up in a corner and never speak to anyone again.

But he also knew if he let it alone, it would fester. It would grow, unwatched, in the shadows, until all he could do was resent her. And that was the last thing he wanted. He still cared about her, would always care about her. She had been such a pivotal force in his life.

Everyone had that one person or that one group of people. The first people they’d met who were _like them_ in some way or another.

Georgie had been that for him, and so much more. He did not want to lose her, not without first hearing her side of the story. She’d been there for him when he first found the word ‘asexual’. She’d been there when he nervously tried out the term genderqueer. She’d helped him expand his wardrobe into something he actually liked-

And working at the Institute had destroyed that. Elias and his god damned dress-code had barely even let Jon keep his long hair at first. He’d cared less once Jon was in the Archives, but then Jon had been too desperate to look like he knew what he was doing to even consider breaking it.

He’d even cut his hair.

Only to a little above his shoulders, but at the time, it had felt like an immense sacrifice.

So there was nothing for it.

If he wanted peace in this new life, if he wanted things to keep moving towards a hopefully brighter future, he would have to confront Georgie. He would have to consciously bring up an issue with her and talk it through and hopefully come to a conclusion that was satisfactory to both of them.

The hard truth that, had he done so years ago, they might never have broken up in the first place, did not escape him. But he could not change the past. And in regards to himself and Georgie, though the past did hurt, he didn’t particularly want to. He had Martin now, and Georgie had Melanie, and they had each other as friends. It was more than he could’ve ever hoped for.

So he _had_ to confront her.

That did not make starting that confrontation any easier.

He turned his phone over in his hands, tapping his fingers against the screen in quiet agitation. He’d prefer to have this conversation in person if he were honest-

Which he should be.

So, he did not call her, and waited instead for the following Tuesday, when she and Melanie would be over for dinner.

The only problem was that Tuesday was five days away, and by the time it rolled around Martin had definitely noticed something was wrong, and Jon was almost positive he’d worn a hole in the floor with his pacing. His bad leg certainly didn’t like it, which made navigating just that tiny bit more frustrating because he was down the hand he’d usually use to feel his way around walls and countertops.

But there was no time for that because the doorbell rang and he took off down the hallway before Martin could even react. He set his walking cane aside and opened the door.

“Hey, Jon-” Georgie started, but before she could get another word in his hand shot forward to seek her wrist.

“Hi Melanie, I have to borrow your girlfriend for a bit, come in,” he said quickly and tugged Georgie inside. She squeaked in shock and Melanie let out a baffled half-laugh.

“Don’t keep her too long,” she said. Jon could practically hear the smile in her words, but he only nodded sharply and pulled Georgie along down the hall.

“What- _Jon?_ ” Georgie asked as he shut the door to his and Martin’s bedroom behind them.

“Sorry, it’s the only place with any real privacy save the bathroom,” he said as he sat down on the bed, massaging his bad knee with a slight wince.

“You want to tell me what this is about?” Georgie asked. From her tone of voice, he could envision her posture perfectly. Arms crossed, one eyebrow raised. He knew that look almost as well as he knew how Martin rolled his eyes in that frustrated-but-fond way.

“Why did you out me?” he asked, abruptly and with so little dithering he was almost amazed to hear himself say it. But he’d spent so long agonising over it, had this conversation in his head so many times. There was nothing for it but to dive right in.

“I- what? Jon, what are you _talking_ ab-” she stopped short, followed by a sharp intake of breath. “Oh. Oh no. Oh my God, Jon, I’m so sorry I wasn’t thinking-”

“Well that’s somewhat comforting, but it doesn’t tell me _why_ ,” he said and perhaps he sounded snappish, but that was his right. He felt the bed dip next to him as she sat down.

“You want the full story of just the immediate surroundings?” she asked.

He paused for a moment to consider.

“Just tell me why,” he said.

“We were out drinking,” she said. “Melanie and I, and we got on the topic of exes. Obviously, you came up, and she said- oh you’re going to hate this- She said, I think word for word ‘I can’t believe you used to fuck Jon’.”

Jon nearly choked, an instinctual wave of nauseous discomfort rising in his throat. “You’re right, I do hate that,” he said, shaking himself slightly to try and rid himself of the feeling. Georgie laughed softly.

“Yeah,” she said quietly. “Funny thing is I hated it, too. Not that I don’t think you’re plenty pretty, to be clear I just- I couldn’t let that sit there. Because I didn’t and at that moment my own discomfort with the idea of anyone thinking I did when that’d mean-” Jon felt her shudder beside him and winced sympathetically.

“Even though she wouldn’t have thought that, obviously, because she didn’t know about you but I- I didn’t think. I told her we didn’t, but I’d also already told her we dated for two years and- Well.” She sighed. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry. Doesn’t matter that I didn’t mean to out you, I still did. Fuck I can’t believe-”

“Thank you,” he said, raising his voice a little to cut her off. The knot in his chest had loosened, a giddy relief rising through his bones. “Really, thank you for telling me. And you’re forgiven. You don’t know how relieved I am to hear it was nothing worse than a drunken slip of the tongue.”

“ _Jon_.” There was a sigh behind the way she said it that told him plain enough that she thought he should be harder on her.

Well, she could think that all she liked, but if he was within his rights to be angry with her, he was also within his rights to forgive her. She huffed a laugh and knocked her shoulder gently against his.

“How’d you even find out about that?” she asked. “Not that I’m upset you did, but I thought Melanie sort of… hated you? Back then?”

“Ah.” He cleared his throat a trifle awkwardly. “Well, you’re right about that she… certainly was not fond of me. It was the tapes.”

“What.”

He hesitated. “A-a post-statement. From while I was away in America. Melanie recorded the statement, and Basira walked in while she was doing the post-statement and, well. Office gossip.” He shrugged.

“I only found out because I listened to them when I got back.”

“ _Office gossip_?” Georgie asked, sounding positively incensed.

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Jon said. His hand shot out to grab her arm as he felt her begin to stand up. “As you said, she really hated me at the time, and it’s not like she knew me as well as you do.”

“Jon, it’s still not okay! Has she ever apologised to you?”

“No, but I think me doing amateur surgery on her without her permission outweighs her outing me by a little, don’t you?”

“She got to stab you in return, and it saved her from becoming an avatar for a horrible eldritch fear god of senseless violence, I’d say you’re even.”

“I-” Jon faltered. “How the fuck is this my life?”

Georgie laughed. He shot a glare in her general direction.

“But I’ll remind you again that I didn’t give her a choice in giving up that connection. And at the time she outed me she was still under said eldritch fear god’s influence, so I really don’t think she owes me an apology.”

“Hm.” Georgie relaxed under his grip, and he let her go. “If you don’t feel like you need to talk to her about it, then I won’t make you.”

“Thank you,” he said. “It’s- Don’t take this the wrong way, Georgie, but coming from her it wasn’t really a surprise. Not at the time. It wasn’t a- um… It didn’t feel like a betrayal.”

He felt Georgie’s answering wince.

“Yeah,” she said, her voice wavering slightly. “Yeah, that’s fair.”

They sat together in silence for a few moments before Jon shifted, a familiar restlessness settling in his bones.

“Think we’re good to join polite society again?” Georgie asked. Jon laughed softly.

“Probably not, but I’m not sure our respective partners count,” he said, rising to his feet. His bad knee gave a familiar crack. He grimaced.

“Melanie’s perfectly polite, I’ll have you know,” Georgie said. She tapped his arm in a silent offer of support, and he took it, allowing himself to lean on her.

“Yes, I’m sure she’s exactly the sort of woman every parent wants for a daughter-in-law. Between the dyed hair and the leather jacket and the piercings and the ‘unconventional job’-”

“Alright!” Georgie cut him off with a laugh. “Alright, I get it, I have a type.”

“I haven’t worn a leather jacket or dyed my hair since uni!”

“I haven’t dated you since uni.”

Jon laughed but conceded the point.

“And besides,” she continued. “Martin seems very polite to me.”

“Then he has successfully pulled the wool over your eyes,” Jon replied, completely unable to hide his delight. “He’s absolutely vicious when he wants to be.”

“What, really?” she asked, sounding genuinely astounded.

“Seriously.”

“Huh.”

They entered the combination kitchen and living room together. The quiet sound of pots clattering and friendly conversation died briefly as Martin and Melanie noticed them.

“Everything alright?” Martin asked. Jon smiled.

“Yes,” he said. “Yes, I think it is.”

**Author's Note:**

> CW:  
> \- Jon-typical dismissal of his feelings as trivial/unimportant  
> \- Office Gossip (aka that one talk between Basira and Melanie, y'all know the one)  
> \- Mentions of job loss and social ostracization as a consequence of outing (not something that happens, but it's mentioned)  
> \- Past eye trauma  
> \- Workplace dress code sucking for genderqueer/gnc people  
> \- Mentions of cutting hair not fully willingly  
> \- Briefly alluded to sexual assault (not something that happens, but it is vaguely mentioned)  
> \- Brief discussion of Jon removing the ghost bullet from Melanie and the aftermath


End file.
